I think the holidays present the most long-term challenge for those grieving.  There is so much tradition in many families and the fact that the holidays are only once per year create the situation that there is lots of room for grief to be re-opened.  The most helpful advice I have for the holidays is to be flexible and create flexibility in your planning.

It is suggested that the first couple years of grieving a close loss that you don’t put yourself in a position of needing to host a holiday party (because you can’t leave if you are overcome by grief).  And make sure wherever you go that you have the option of having time by yourself or even leaving when you want to without fear of offending the host.  Just talk to them about it in advance and say something like, “You know John has only been gone about six months now and this is my first Thanksgiving without him.  I don’t know how I am going to be.  Do you mind if I end up leaving if I find myself too uncomfortable?”  If it is going to mess up their plans if you leave early, find another place for Thanksgiving dinner.

I still buy the holiday gifts in honor of Lee and Madison and it has gotten a bit easier to donate them.  For Christmas last year in honor of my dad Keith and I gave a donation to St. Vincent de Paul, a charity my dad was a volunteer for (and my mom still is a volunteer).  My sister gave gifts of photos she had taken in my dad’s final days that showed some of the connection and yes, even fun that we had at the end of his life.  My mom gave copies of a family photo taken in the late 1970’s that made us all reminisce. 

Grief can be slippery and spontaneous.  Planning ahead for the holidays can help to deal with some of the unexpected moments.  There are silver linings to loss as well.  My dad was almost always difficult to shop for.  It was a relief last year to not try to figure out what to get him.  As Ma from the Little House books used to say, “There is no great loss without some small gain.”

Sending you and yours blessings this holiday season.

Donna Copeland is an Independent Shaklee Distributor who likes to share what she has learned through her research and her experiences.  You can find more information on her Shaklee business at www.DonnaCopeland.MyShaklee.com(She is paid by Shaklee for purchases made through her or her website.)